I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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