i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
