Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
