All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
