she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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