oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
