I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
