we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
