Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
