"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
