Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
