You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
