The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
