Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
