I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
