You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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