just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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