Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
