I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
