Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
