It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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