oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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