We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
