I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My liver just broke up with me...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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