3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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