they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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