what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
