I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Verdict: uncircumcised.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
