I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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