I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize