Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
