are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
