so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
