dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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