Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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