She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
