i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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