yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
