I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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