Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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