I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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