My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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