Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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