DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
