Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
