It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
