It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just had sex on a roof
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
