brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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