The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
