Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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