the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
