I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
