dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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