eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
